Why I Choose Not to Curse
"Becca, you're so pure it's almost annoying," my mom said last weekend, laughing as she dropped a string of colorful words after stubbing her toe on our coffee table. It wasn't the first time someone in my family has commented on my choice not to curse, and it probably won't be the last. Growing up in a household where profanity was as common as morning coffee, my decision to eliminate swearing from my vocabulary has sometimes made me feel like the odd one out—even in my own family.
But here's the thing: this choice isn't about being "pure" or better than anyone else. It's about aligning my speech with my values and understanding the power that words carry in our lives and relationships.
Growing Up with Cursing
Let me be honest about my background. My parents are wonderful people who love me deeply, but they've always been casual about language. Dad's a mechanic who spent decades in auto shops where colorful language was the norm. Mom worked in restaurants for years, another environment where profanity flows freely. For them, cursing isn't malicious—it's just how they express frustration, excitement, or emphasis.
Even Jake, my sweet husband who loves the Lord and treats me like a queen, occasionally lets a curse word slip when he's particularly frustrated with a home repair project or stuck in traffic. He always apologizes afterward, but it happens.
I share this because I want to be clear that my choice not to curse isn't about judging the people I love most. It's about a personal conviction that has grown stronger as my faith has deepened.
My Journey Away from Profanity
I wasn't always the non-cursing person I am today. In high school and college, I swore regularly—partly because it was normal in my family, and partly because I thought it made me seem more mature or edgy. I didn't give it much thought until my junior year of college when I started taking my faith seriously.
During a particularly challenging semester, I was reading through the book of James for a Bible study. When I got to James 3, the passage about taming the tongue hit me like a lightning bolt. I'd never really considered that my casual use of profanity might be something God cared about.
The turning point came during a conversation with my roommate about a difficult professor. I was complaining and using some pretty harsh language when she gently said, "You know, Becca, when you talk like that, it doesn't sound like the person I know you to be." Her words weren't judgmental, but they made me pause and think.
That night, I prayed about my language choices for the first time. I asked God to show me if my words were honoring to Him and helpful to others. The answer became clear over the following weeks: my casual use of profanity wasn't aligning with the person I felt called to become.
What the Bible Says About Our Words
As I studied this topic more deeply, I discovered that Scripture has quite a bit to say about how we use our words:
Ephesians 4:29: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
This verse became my benchmark. I started asking myself: Are my words building others up? Are they beneficial to those who hear them? Profanity, even when not directed at people, rarely meets this standard.
Colossians 3:8: "But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips."
The phrase "filthy language" in Greek is "aischrologia," which refers to shameful or inappropriate speech. While scholars debate exactly what this includes, it challenged me to consider whether my language choices were appropriate for someone representing Christ.
James 3:9-10: "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be."
This passage particularly convicted me. How could I use the same mouth to worship God on Sunday and casually throw around curse words on Monday? The inconsistency bothered me.
Psalm 19:14: "May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."
This became my prayer and goal: that all my words would be pleasing to God.
The Practical Impact of Eliminating Profanity
Deciding to stop cursing was easier said than done. I had to actively retrain my brain and find new ways to express strong emotions. But the changes I noticed were significant:
Increased intentionality: When I couldn't rely on curse words for emphasis, I had to think more carefully about what I really wanted to communicate. This made my speech more precise and thoughtful.
Better emotional regulation: Instead of immediately releasing frustration through profanity, I had to pause and process my emotions. This led to better problem-solving and less reactive responses.
More creative expression: Finding new ways to express excitement, frustration, or surprise actually expanded my vocabulary and made my communication more interesting.
Professional benefits: In work settings, not having to monitor my language for appropriateness was one less thing to worry about. My communication was consistently professional.
Witness opportunities: People noticed the absence of profanity in my speech, which sometimes opened doors for conversations about faith.
Navigating Relationships
The trickiest part of this journey has been navigating relationships with people who do curse regularly—including my own family.
With my parents, I've learned to focus on the heart behind their words rather than the words themselves. When Mom drops an F-bomb after burning dinner, I know she's expressing frustration, not trying to offend me. I don't lecture or look scandalized; I just offer to help with whatever's causing stress.
With Jake, we've had gentle conversations about this topic. He knows it's important to me, and he makes an effort, especially around other people. When he does slip up, I don't make a big deal of it, and he doesn't get defensive about my reminder. We've found a balance that works for our marriage.
At work or in social settings, I simply model the behavior I want to see. I don't comment on others' language choices unless directly asked, and I try to keep the focus on building relationships rather than policing speech.
Common Questions and Pushback
"Aren't you being legalistic?"
I don't believe so. Legalism is following rules to earn God's favor or appear righteous. My choice not to curse comes from a desire to honor God with my words and align my speech with biblical principles. It's motivated by love, not obligation.
"What about when you're really angry or hurt?"
Strong emotions still require expression, but I've found healthier ways to process them. Instead of cursing, I might say "I'm really frustrated" or "This is incredibly disappointing." Sometimes I need to step away and pray or journal before I can respond appropriately.
"Some curse words aren't that bad, are they?"
This is where personal conviction comes in. Some Christians use mild profanity without feeling convicted, while others avoid all questionable language. I've chosen the more conservative approach because it feels right for me, but I don't expect everyone to have identical standards.
"Doesn't context matter?"
Absolutely. Stubbing your toe and letting out a curse word is different from using profanity to tear someone down. However, I've found that eliminating casual cursing has helped me respond better even in genuinely frustrating situations.
The Bigger Picture: Words Shape Us
Beyond the biblical reasons, I've come to believe that our words shape who we become. The language we use regularly doesn't just express our thoughts—it influences them.
When I regularly used profanity, it was easier to think negatively about situations and people. Eliminating curse words from my vocabulary has made me more solution-focused and less likely to dwell on frustrations.
This doesn't mean I suppress negative emotions or pretend everything is fine when it's not. It means I've learned to express difficulties in ways that are more likely to lead to positive outcomes.
Teaching Future Generations
As Jake and I think about having children someday, this topic becomes even more important to me. I want to model speech that builds others up and honors God. I want our future children to see that you can express strong emotions without resorting to profanity.
This doesn't mean creating a completely sanitized environment where they never hear curse words—that would be unrealistic given our extended family and the world we live in. But I want our home to be a place where words are used thoughtfully and purposefully.
Grace in the Journey
I want to emphasize that this is a personal conviction, not a universal command I expect everyone to follow. I have dear friends and family members who love Jesus deeply and occasionally use profanity. I don't think less of them, and I hope they don't think I'm being self-righteous.
The goal isn't perfection—it's growth. Even now, I sometimes catch myself about to say something I'd rather not, or I realize I've spoken more harshly than necessary. The difference is that I'm now intentional about my word choices rather than just letting whatever comes to mind fly out of my mouth.
Words as Worship
Ultimately, I see my choice not to curse as a form of worship. Just as I try to honor God with my actions, my time, and my resources, I want to honor Him with my words. Every conversation is an opportunity to build others up, to speak truth in love, and to reflect the character of Christ.
This doesn't mean I speak in "Christianese" or sound artificial. I can be real, honest, and even express frustration or disappointment without using profanity. In fact, I think eliminating curse words has made my communication more authentic, not less, because I have to find genuine ways to express what I'm feeling.
Moving Forward
If you're considering your own relationship with profanity, I encourage you to pray about it and study what Scripture says about our words. Don't make changes just because someone else thinks you should, but be open to the Holy Spirit's conviction in your own life.
Remember that words are powerful. They can build up or tear down, encourage or discourage, heal or harm. Whether or not you choose to eliminate profanity from your vocabulary, consider how your words impact others and whether they align with the person you want to be.
For me, choosing not to curse has been part of a larger journey toward becoming the woman God has called me to be. It's not about being perfect or better than others—it's about using the gift of language in ways that honor my Creator and bless the people around me.
And honestly? I've never regretted a curse word I didn't say, but I have regretted some that I did. In a world where harsh words are increasingly common, choosing gentleness and thoughtfulness in our speech can be a powerful testimony to the transforming power of Christ in our lives.