Embracing Modest Clothing
Last week at our church's women's Bible study, the topic of modest clothing came up during our discussion of 1 Timothy 2:9. The conversation was rich and sometimes challenging, with women sharing different perspectives based on their backgrounds, ages, and personal convictions. It reminded me how deeply personal—and sometimes controversial—the topic of modesty can be, even among believers.
As someone who has grown to love dressing modestly, I wanted to share my heart on this topic, not as someone with all the answers, but as a woman seeking to honor God in how I present myself to the world.
What Does the Bible Actually Say?
When we talk about biblical modesty, we need to start with Scripture itself. The two primary passages that address this topic are:
1 Timothy 2:9-10: "I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."
1 Peter 3:3-4: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."
Notice what these passages emphasize: the heart behind our clothing choices matters more than specific rules about sleeve length or necklines. Paul and Peter aren't primarily concerned with measurements—they're addressing attitudes of the heart that our clothing can reflect.
The Heart of Modesty
When I first started thinking seriously about modesty, I made the mistake of focusing entirely on rules. How long should my skirts be? How high should my neckline sit? While these practical considerations have their place, I was missing the deeper issue.
Biblical modesty is fundamentally about:
Humility over attention-seeking: Are my clothing choices designed to draw attention to myself, or do they allow others to see Christ in me? This doesn't mean dressing frumpy or hiding—it means dressing in a way that doesn't scream "look at me."
Consideration for others: How might my clothing choices affect my brothers in Christ? While I'm not responsible for others' thoughts, I can choose to dress in ways that don't unnecessarily create stumbling blocks.
Contentment over materialism: Am I using expensive or flashy clothing to communicate my status or worth? The biblical passages warn against using our appearance to display wealth or seek validation.
Appropriateness for the context: Modesty looks different in different settings. What's appropriate for the beach isn't appropriate for church, and what works for gardening doesn't work for a wedding.
My Personal Journey with Modest Dressing
My approach to clothing has evolved significantly over the years. In college and my early career, I dressed to impress—tight clothes, low necklines, short skirts. I told myself I was being "fashionable," but honestly, I was seeking validation through my appearance.
When Jake and I started dating seriously, I began to consider how my clothing choices might affect him and other men. This wasn't about him controlling what I wore—it was about me wanting to honor our relationship and his walk with God.
As my faith deepened, I started asking different questions about my wardrobe:
- Does this outfit reflect my identity as a daughter of God?
- Am I dressing to please God or to gain attention from others?
- Do my clothing choices align with the character I'm trying to develop?
This heart change led to practical changes. I started choosing:
- Longer skirts and dresses that hit at or below the knee
- Tops with higher necklines that don't reveal cleavage
- Clothes that fit well without being skin-tight
- Modest swimwear and workout clothes
- Outfits appropriate for different occasions
Practical Modesty in Real Life
Embracing modest clothing doesn't mean giving up style or beauty. Some of my favorite modest outfits are also my most beautiful ones. Here are some practical approaches I've discovered:
Layering is your friend: Cardigans, blazers, and scarves can make almost any outfit more modest while adding style and sophistication.
Focus on fit: Well-fitted clothes that aren't too tight or too loose often look more polished and modest than clothes that don't fit properly.
Quality over quantity: I'd rather have fewer, well-made pieces that I love than a closet full of cheap, immodest clothes I feel uncertain about wearing.
Accessorize thoughtfully: Beautiful jewelry, scarves, and bags can add interest to modest outfits without compromising your standards.
Consider fabric and color: Some fabrics and colors are naturally more modest than others. I've learned which materials and shades work best for my lifestyle and convictions.
Addressing Common Concerns
"Modest clothing is frumpy and unfashionable"
This simply isn't true anymore, if it ever was. There are numerous brands and designers creating beautiful, stylish modest clothing. Additionally, with some creativity and layering, you can make most mainstream clothing modest.
"You're judging other women"
My choice to dress modestly is about my own convictions, not a judgment on others. I have friends who dress differently than I do, and I love and respect them completely. We can have different standards while maintaining unity in Christ.
"Modesty standards are subjective"
This is partially true—cultural contexts and personal convictions do play a role. However, the biblical principles of humility, consideration for others, and appropriateness provide a framework that transcends cultural specifics.
"Men should control their own thoughts"
Absolutely, men are responsible for their own minds and hearts. But this doesn't mean I can't choose to dress in ways that are considerate of their struggles, just as I'd hope they'd be considerate of mine in other areas.
Modesty and Cultural Context
It's important to acknowledge that modesty standards vary across cultures and time periods. What was considered modest in biblical times might look different from modesty today, and what's modest in one culture might not be in another.
This is where wisdom and the Holy Spirit's guidance become crucial. We need to understand the principles behind biblical modesty and apply them thoughtfully to our own cultural context and personal convictions.
For me, living in modern America, this means dressing in a way that's culturally appropriate while still honoring the biblical principles of humility, consideration, and appropriateness.
Teaching Modesty to the Next Generation
As Jake and I prepare for the possibility of children, I think about how to teach biblical modesty to future daughters. I want them to understand that:
- Their worth comes from being daughters of God, not from how others view their appearance
- Clothing choices can reflect heart attitudes
- True beauty comes from character and godliness
- They can be both modest and beautiful, stylish and appropriate
- Different families may have different standards, and that's okay
I hope to model these truths rather than just teaching them as rules.
The Freedom in Boundaries
One of the surprising things I've discovered about embracing modest clothing is how freeing it's been. When I dress with clear standards in mind, I spend less time worrying about whether my outfit is appropriate. I can focus on the people I'm with and the activities I'm doing rather than constantly adjusting my clothing or wondering how I look.
There's also freedom in knowing that people are more likely to notice my words, actions, and character rather than being distracted by my appearance. This aligns with my desire to point others toward Christ rather than toward myself.
Different Convictions, Same Heart
I want to be clear that I don't believe every Christian woman needs to dress exactly as I do. Some may feel called to more conservative standards, others to less conservative ones. What matters is that we're all seeking to honor God with our choices and considering how our appearance reflects our hearts.
The goal isn't uniformity—it's unity around the principle of glorifying God in all we do, including how we dress.
Moving Forward with Grace
As I continue to grow in my understanding of biblical womanhood, I'm learning that modesty is less about following a checklist and more about cultivating a heart that seeks to honor God in every area of life.
This means approaching clothing choices with prayer, wisdom, and consideration for others. It means being gracious toward women who make different choices while remaining faithful to my own convictions. It means remembering that while outward appearance matters, the condition of my heart matters infinitely more.
If you're considering your own approach to modest clothing, I encourage you to start with your heart. Ask God to show you how your clothing choices can reflect your love for Him and others. Study the biblical passages for yourself, and seek wise counsel from mature believers you trust.
Remember that this journey is between you and God. Don't let others shame you into standards that don't align with your convictions, but also don't dismiss the topic entirely because it seems old-fashioned or restrictive.
True biblical modesty is beautiful because it reflects a heart that values God's approval over human applause, others' good over personal attention, and inner beauty over outward appearance. These are timeless values that can transform not just our wardrobes, but our entire approach to life.
And in a world that often equates worth with appearance, choosing to dress modestly can be a quiet but powerful testimony to the truth that our value comes from something far deeper and more lasting than what we wear.